Blessings…

Again friends I must apologize for the tardiness of my post. I unfortunately ended up in the hospital again last week with a fever that would not go away. After much investigation and confusion my doctors figured out that I had developed an abscess after my HIPEC surgery that needed to be drained and hopefully dealt with through a course of antibiotics. The good news is that I am feeling a million times better! It’s a funny how you often don’t know how bad you are feeling until you start to feel better, and boy howdy do I understand now just how cruddy I had been feeling. I am praising God for the blessing of wise doctors that can deal with tricky problems, and for a body that actually has some energy after several months of severe fatigue and emotional exhaustion.

Today I don’t have any profound words. Nothing that will change anyone’s life. But I do want to encourage everyone who reads these to take a minute to appreciate the blessings around you. One thing about this journey that has surprised me, is how much more aware I am of the blessings that God has surrounded me with, even in the midst of hardship. Even as I experienced the frustration of ending up in the hospital God blessed me and reminded me how deep and wide His love for me is.

Here are just a few examples:

When we originally got to the hospital, the room we were being placed in was to be “partially private”. In other words, my Mother and Father would not be able to stay with me in my room, and no matter how old you are when you are sick you want your Mom and Dad around! After waiting for some time we realized that they were trying to find us a private room and they succeeded! This allowed me the comfort of my Mom and Dad right by my side. I also had to complete a CT as soon we arrived. Many of you know that the contrast fluid you must drink for a CT has caused what I would call some post traumatic stress in my life. As the nurse so kindly brought HUGE amounts of contrast fluid into my room I started to cry. It seems silly, and in the scheme of things it really is, but I was so exhausted and worn out that the idea of having to stomach the contrast made me burst into tears. I wouldn’t even pick up the cup as my Mom encouraged me to just try it, telling me that it might not be as bad as I think. She picked up the cup and smelled the contrast- Immediately she let me know that I seemed odorless! And as I hesitantly took a sip it tasted like nothing! We added a little Crystal Light powder and I then got to drink some ice-cold lemonade- Instead of the “cleaning liquid” I had had to drink before in previous scans. As the reality set in I again burst into tears, as God reminded me of His love in such a practical and real way. My body also managed to mask my real problem initially, even with the CT scan my doctors couldn’t tell I had an abscess. But I was also blessed with a kind and extremely smart Resident who didn’t stop searching until he had found my real problem. He was a doctor anyone would be blessed to have fighting for the answers I so desperately needed!

All this to say we each have so many blessings around us. Before my cancer journey I would often struggle to see and remember the blessings in my life. There were many days I allowed my perceived “lack” of the blessings I wanted to keep me from seeing the beauty of all God HAD given me! And I believe this is probably a common problem. And truly what a shame this is. We rob ourselves of the small blessings that God provides each day! We keep ourselves in discontented rather than accepting the blessings God so desperately wants to give us.  After all, God is a God of lavish and complete love!

So really all I have to say today is take some time to look for your blessings! The special gifts God wants to give you today and every day. They are just for you – And oh how God desires each of us to know just how deep and how wide and how long His love is. Take some time to be thankful as well. When you find those special gifts God has designed just for you, don’t forget that the Giver of our gifts is so much more valuable than the gift itself. This is what I will be striving to recognize in my life over the next several days and weeks.

I have one final surgery tomorrow(at least for the time being…), so it might be a week or two before I post again. But in the mean time I will be looking for my blessings, even in the midst of trial and struggle. I ask for your prayers- That this surgery would go smoothly and have no complications. That my body would respond well and that it would heal quickly so we can move forward with the next step of more chemotherapy. We continue to receive just enough grace for today and we are thankful for each day we receive!