This week I find myself without words. I have thought and thought on what to share this week, but my heart just feels tired. Chronic pain has a way of draining you in ways you didn’t think possible. My head and my heart feel overwhelmed many days, as I struggle with my new reality. I can’t sit up for very long because my hips and back begin to hurt, but I also can’t lay down without much aid and manipulation because any pressure on my shoulder sends shooting pain through my whole left arm. Laying on my side makes my back hurt… And on and on it goes. Not to mention the emotional struggle of waiting to see if my liver function will return to normal enough to qualify for a trial. We are in a limbo of extremes that weighs heavily on the soul.
I have made a few observations over the last few weeks that I will share with you today. They won’t be earth shattering, but truth is truth no matter how many times we have heard it.
1. Truth never Fails.
In moments I feel I have nothing left, I have been trying to constantly remind myself what is true. I am more and more thankful for the treasures I have stored in my heart- memorizing God’s Word, meditating on God’s Word. Having these truths in your heart will pay major dividends in the end. Because when the pain strikes and I feel too emotionally worn to battle, the Holy Spirit has truth to work with! Storing God’s Word in your heart will always return a reward to both your heart and your life.
Psalm 119:9-11 says:
How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
2. Community is a Necessity
The longer this journey continues the more I am certain that we were not made to live life alone. God designed us as relationship people, and without community and fellowship we are not living our lives in the fullness of how God designed us. For me, having community or people come along side me is even more vital. I practically cannot do life on my own right now. I need help with day to day tasks.
I have been blown away by the support and encouragement of my Mother specifically during this time. She has basically moved in with me and has been my constant help in this very dark season. Without her support I don’t know how I would be able to deal with my circumstances, as I am now.
We need people to come along side us. Support us. Encourage us. Especially in seasons of trial and tribulation. Make sure you invest in these kinds of relationships. God will use those in your community to support you in in your time of need.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
So, there you have it my friends. I know my words are few this week, but I pray these truths will sink deep into your heart. That God will use my observations in the midst of pain to grow your relationship with Him. Because intimacy with our Savior is our highest and deepest calling. My pain is real, but God is greater. My emotional distress is real, but God’s love is bigger. Even on my darkest nights, I choose to believe and remember that God gives me just enough grace for today….